Conflicted
Sunday, July 21, 2019
I have struggled this last week trying to get our house in order and trying to pack for Utah, and trying to pack for England. The struggle has been to make myself do those things. I'm kind of dragging my feet.
It is funny how marvelous and exciting something can sound when it is 6 months into the future. We are being sucked rapidly down this time tunnel, and our departure is looming a mere four days away. In truth, there are only three full days left here.
We attended Church today in our ward....one of the best wards in the entire church. There are so many strong, spiritual and compassionate people. Every meeting is so very worth being there for, and I always come away having learned something.
It was odd though today - being there. Both SK and I knew that this would be the last time in this ward for almost 2 years. It was a day when many were out of town, a last fling of vacations before school begins again. Matt Coppel was so dear as he wished us well. He is such a kind man, and we have always enjoyed being around him. Otherwise, most people are accustomed to seeing us there in our usual places, and they are aware that we will be serving a mission sometime in the future. But for the most part, no one knew that something big was going on in our lives...it was almost eerie how we passed into and out of church today smiling and exchanging passing comments in the halls, without a proper good-bye.
At some point in a few months, there will be some who say, "Hey, did the Madsens leave yet?" I understand it perfectly. I've done the same thing. Lives are busy, and if you don't stop and notice, months can go by in someone else's life without causing hardly a blip on your own screen. And because lives are so very busy, it is challenging to tune in to every friend, every person you have come to love in a ward, in a neighborhood, in your circle of treasured individuals. We have 25 in our family.....I love them dearly, but I don't even connect with them as often as I would like to.
There may even be some I will meet in the grocery store a couple of years from now who will not have known we were ever away! Time is a funny thing.
Our family got together for dinner. It was boisterous and thoroughly enjoyable. Five to ten different conversations going on at once. Everyone came to our house after to help me clean out the pantry, refrigerator and freezer. A movie night was organized and we settled in to watch.
Melissa was the last to leave. We stood outside in the glow of the streetlight, baking in the night time heat. We talked of practical things. What do I need to do tomorrow, what to tell the cleaning lady who will come after we're gone about shining things up, how to pay the bills that will come in. Yet those quiet moments were among the best of the day. I was grateful for that little island of time to talk about mundane yet meaningful things.
There is something comforting about simple ordinary days and evenings. I know I will miss them. At the same time, there is so much to look forward to, so much to be excited about. An adventure!
I look at pictures of Oxford. I think about what meals I will fix for our new little family there. I imagine the quiet conversations we will have with the young adults. What an opportunity to make a difference for someone far from home and in need of some connection to things familiar. I am so eager to get there and get an idea of what the next 18 months of our lives will look like.
Yet, here I am, my heart aching at the thought of leaving all those I love.
I have struggled this last week trying to get our house in order and trying to pack for Utah, and trying to pack for England. The struggle has been to make myself do those things. I'm kind of dragging my feet.
It is funny how marvelous and exciting something can sound when it is 6 months into the future. We are being sucked rapidly down this time tunnel, and our departure is looming a mere four days away. In truth, there are only three full days left here.
We attended Church today in our ward....one of the best wards in the entire church. There are so many strong, spiritual and compassionate people. Every meeting is so very worth being there for, and I always come away having learned something.
It was odd though today - being there. Both SK and I knew that this would be the last time in this ward for almost 2 years. It was a day when many were out of town, a last fling of vacations before school begins again. Matt Coppel was so dear as he wished us well. He is such a kind man, and we have always enjoyed being around him. Otherwise, most people are accustomed to seeing us there in our usual places, and they are aware that we will be serving a mission sometime in the future. But for the most part, no one knew that something big was going on in our lives...it was almost eerie how we passed into and out of church today smiling and exchanging passing comments in the halls, without a proper good-bye.
At some point in a few months, there will be some who say, "Hey, did the Madsens leave yet?" I understand it perfectly. I've done the same thing. Lives are busy, and if you don't stop and notice, months can go by in someone else's life without causing hardly a blip on your own screen. And because lives are so very busy, it is challenging to tune in to every friend, every person you have come to love in a ward, in a neighborhood, in your circle of treasured individuals. We have 25 in our family.....I love them dearly, but I don't even connect with them as often as I would like to.
There may even be some I will meet in the grocery store a couple of years from now who will not have known we were ever away! Time is a funny thing.
Our family got together for dinner. It was boisterous and thoroughly enjoyable. Five to ten different conversations going on at once. Everyone came to our house after to help me clean out the pantry, refrigerator and freezer. A movie night was organized and we settled in to watch.
Melissa was the last to leave. We stood outside in the glow of the streetlight, baking in the night time heat. We talked of practical things. What do I need to do tomorrow, what to tell the cleaning lady who will come after we're gone about shining things up, how to pay the bills that will come in. Yet those quiet moments were among the best of the day. I was grateful for that little island of time to talk about mundane yet meaningful things.
There is something comforting about simple ordinary days and evenings. I know I will miss them. At the same time, there is so much to look forward to, so much to be excited about. An adventure!
I look at pictures of Oxford. I think about what meals I will fix for our new little family there. I imagine the quiet conversations we will have with the young adults. What an opportunity to make a difference for someone far from home and in need of some connection to things familiar. I am so eager to get there and get an idea of what the next 18 months of our lives will look like.
Yet, here I am, my heart aching at the thought of leaving all those I love.
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